CARNE (68) aka Meat. Argentinian bombshell Isabel Sarli shows us what she’s got in this deliriously sleazy melodrama about "Delicia" a sultry meat packing plant worker who gets her meat packed when she’s attacked by her co-workers (on a bed of frozen cow carcasses no less) and is then avenged by her brawny, two-fisted boyfriend. Mucho nudity in this one and, no kidding gents, Isabel’s got a bod that’ll make you weep! ORDER

EL INQUISIDOR (74) aka El Fuego del Pecado. Wild tits’n’torture fest about an evil woman doctor and her secret society of modern day "witch hunters" who kidnap unsuspecting nubiles so they can strip ‘em, stretch ‘em and stab ‘em in their private torture chamber and then roast them alive on the beach! No one EVER expects the Spanish Inquisition! ORDER

INSATIABLE (76) aka L’ Insaziabile. Isabel Sarli is back in this wild film in which she plays a wife who can't stay faithful. The sultry Isabel looks fabulous in this very well made film from Armando Bo. A must see for Isabel Sarli fans! Dubbed in Italian. ORDER

NAKED TEMPTATION (65) aka Woman and Temptatipon; La Tentacion Desnuda; Tentacao Nuda. Argentinian mudhoney Isabel Sarli drives all the boys cuh-razy in this B&W marvel about a runaway prostitute who shacks up with a saintly fisherman much to the chagrin of his covetous co-workers. With nudity, murder, belt whippings, knife fights, and even an appearance by Jesus himself! ORDER

STAY TUNED FOR TERROR (65) aka Extrana Invasion. Residents of a small Mayberry type town become hypnotized video junkies when strange psychedelic patterns are beamed into their television sets. Sounds like they got their MTV! This cool little science fiction number from Argentina’s greatest exploitation director, Emilio Vieyra, stars Richard Conte and Anna Strasberg and has an authentic ‘50s B movie feel to it. Very rare (it was never screened outside its home country) and, contrary to what’s been reported, it is in color. Good quality Spanish language print. ORDER

Additional Titles (Available for purchase but not yet reviewed):

A BUTTERFLY IN THE NIGHT (74) aka Like a Bitch in Heat; Una Mariposa en la Noche; Come una Cagna in Calore. Isabel Sarli! ORDER

PSEXOANALISIS (68) aka Sex Analysis. ORDER

ROUTINE HAS TO BE BROKEN aka Hay Que Romper la Rutina. ORDER

THE REVENGE OF SEX Original version of The Curious Dr. Humpp ORDER

VIRGIN GODDESS aka La Diosa Virgen.Isabel Sarli! English language. ORDER

Argentina    Brazil    India    Indonesia    Pakistan    The Philippines    Turkey

COFFIN SOUZA’S FREAK CIRCUS (Var.) This collection of trailers, coming attractions and short films from Brazilian madman "Coffin Souza" and his Freak Video studios is an absolutely mindbending collage of hardcore porn, gore, psychedelia and heavy metal. Must be seen to be appreciated. X-rated. ORDER

LOVE, STRANGE LOVE (82) aka Amor Estranho Amor. Now HERE'S a wet dream come true: Brazilian kiddie show hostess Xuxa Meneghel gets butt naked in this South American softcore rarity about political unrest at a high class bordello. Proving that her love for children knows no bounds, sexy Xuxa allows an enthusiastic youngster to squeeze her ample titty before rolling around in the sack with him, and does a sexy striptease in a bear costume!!! What's next, a stage show with Juan Valdez's donkey?! Completely UNCUT 120 minute print, and it's in English! ORDER

LUA DE CRISTAL (90) aka Crystal Moon. Rock and roll Cinderella story starring Xuxa (yeah!) as an innocent farm girl who hops the bus into the big bad city and has all sorts of excellent adventures. Pretty charming really, but more importantly this is a great opportunity to enjoy Xuxa showing off that gorgeous bod of hers! English subtitles. ORDER

PRINCESS XUXA AND THE TRAPALHOES (89) aka A Princess Xuxa e os Trapalhoes. Brazilian bombshell and kiddie Hostess Xuxa Meneguel stars along with Paulo Reis and the slapstick comedy troupe The Disorderlies (aka "The Trapalhoes") in this sci fi adventure flick that’s sort of a cross between Snow White and the Seven Dwarves and Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. As always Xuxa looks fantastic with highlights including a brief skinny dipping scene, a delightful "Sheena, Queen of the Jungle" sort of get up, and a romp through the sand dunes. Yum! ORDER

SUPER XUXA VERSUS SATAN (88) aka Super Xuxa Contra Baixo Astral. Hallucinogenic weirdness from everyone’s favorite clothing-optional kiddie show hostess, Xuxa! Furious over her campaign to have street urchins paint rainbows all over Rio, Satan(!) sends his two henchmen to kidnap Xuxa’s little doggy, Xuxo. She of course goes after the mutt and we’re treated to a barrage of truly twisted imagery, gross out humor, and sexual symbolism so blatant even Freud wouldn’t touch it with a ten foot cigar: Xuxa rides a big pink dolphin under the ocean, a talking worm squirts magic fluid onto Xuxa’s fingernail, one of the henchmen cuts off his finger while chopping up sausages, not exactly subtle is it? Add to that the fact that sexy Xuxa runs around in incredibly tight hot pants, rides a flashy white motocross bike, and busts moves that any pole dancer would admire and you’ve got the kind of movie we absolutely love! ORDER

XUXA ESPECIAL (9?) What a find! Two friggin' hours of this hot-pantsed kiddie show temptress in action! Like the Virgin Mary on a bender Xuxa and her army of fembot clones appear in remote villages descending from a gold UFO covered with giant red lips (George Clinton eat your heart out!), wearing skimpy Space Age Hooker outfits and singing the same irritating song over and OVER again! In Spanish with NO subtitles, but that doesn't mean you can't jerk off to it! ORDER

XUXA 'TIL YOU PUKE (Var.) Four fun-filled episodes of the Americanized version of this South American sweetie's kids show. Never heard of Xuxa? Then you're missing out buddy! With her bouncy, bleached blonde good looks and feigned innocence this little bed thrasher oozes with sweaty sex appeal. There's just something about her that shouts "Take me doggie style, Senor!" Check it out for yourself and catch Xuxa fever today! ORDER

Additional Titles (Available for purchase but not yet reviewed):

AS NINTENDAS DO SEXO SELVAGIM ORDER 

BLACK BEETLE aka Fuscao Preto. Xuxa! ORDER

CASTLE OF DE SADE aka O Castelo des Tara De Sade; O Castela des Tara. ORDER

5. DIMENSAO DO SEXO ORDER

A GUNMAN CALLED PAPACO aka Um Pistoleiro Chamado Papaco. X-rated parody of Django. Amazing! ORDER

LAMPIAO, KING OF THE BADLANDS aka Lampaio O Rei do Cangaco. ORDER

PARANOIA Violent Brazilian trash from the ‘70s ORDER

PLANET WARS (78) aka Os Trapalhoes na Guerra dos Planetas. English subtitles. ORDER

XUXA: LAS BELLAS DAMAS + SEXTO SENTIDO 3 Xuxa music videos + Xuxa in concert (Pro shot) ORDER

XUXA: REQUEBRA (99) Xuxa saves a dance school from gangsters and Tiazinha puts in an appearance! ORDER

XUXA: XOU DA XUXA 1 & 2 Original version of her children’s show. ORDER

ZOMBIO Plus trailers and shorts! ORDER

Argentina    Brazil    India    Indonesia    Pakistan    The Philippines    Turkey

AATANK HI AATANK (95) Incredible Indian action flick that looks like it’s straight out of the ‘70s! Absolutely packed with violence, gore and, of course, dance numbers. In fact, there are so many beatings, stabbings, machine gun battles and drive-by shootings that we kept expecting Henry Silva and Jack Palance to pop up and do a little jig! Recommended! ORDER

AMMORU (95) Delirious big budget Tollywood extravaganza mixes traditional mythology and folk tales with wild dance numbers and state of the art special effects (this was one of the first Indian films to make use of CGI) for a mind bending trip into the astral plane. Dag nab it, where is that skull bong when we need it?!? Very rare  English subtitled print of this highly recommended fantasy epic. ORDER

BEES SAAL PAHELE (??) Extremely rare, non-Ramsay Indian horror film about the ghost of a murdered woman who comes back for revenge. Think William Castle only with even creakier special effects (plus martial arts and dance numbers) and at about triple the running time and you’ll be on the right track. ORDER

DAK BANGLA (87) aka Rest House. This is it! The wildest, bloodiest Ramsay Brothers horror movie of them all! An evil zombie/mummy creature lives under a creepy hotel and kills off the guests to feast on their blood. This thing starts fires and blows holes in people with bursts of light that come shooting out of his third eye! It squeezes a guy’s skull until streams of blood squirt out of his forehead! With the coolest ending of any horror movie in recent memory, Indian or otherwise. Recommended! ORDER

DARWAZA (78) aka The Door. More Hindu horror from the Ramsay Brothers studio with all of their trademark big ugly monsters, weird camera angles, secret passageways, and stock footage thunder and lightning shots. This one even has a really cool claymation transformation scene! ORDER

DISCO DANCER (82) Mind-blowingly insane kitsch masterpiece made a full FIVE YEARS after the disco craze! Our Hindi hero, clad in a white suit with posters of John Travolta on the wall, discovers being a disco star has its downside: Drugs, depravity (Bollywood style), and a vicious kung fu finale with the EVIL Disco Dancer! The annoyingly memorable musical numbers are inspired in their awfulness. Theres a Christian disco track ("Jesus, When You Gonna Save Us?") and even a rip off of "Video Killed The Radio Star"!!! English Subtitles. ORDER

JAMES BOND 777 (71) Nutty B&W 007 rip off from India starring an all-singing, all-dancing James Bond complete with pompadour and Vincent Price moustache. There’s also an evil, whip wielding villainess, super-intelligent dogs that rob banks ala The Doberman Gang, garish dance numbers, Batman style fight scenes and "high tech" spy gadgets like an exploding bag of onions! Plus, this movie’s got enough cool music to fill up another Guns, Cars and Sitars CD all by itself. Picture quality is on the soft side but nonetheless this is an excellent example of low-budget Telugu cinema (made in Southern India as opposed to the better known Bollywood). And incredibly, the guy who plays Bond, Ghattamaneni Krishna (aka Mr. Krishna) has starred in 308 movies! ORDER

JANBAAZ (86) Holy Shiva! It’s a Hindi psychedelic drug thriller! Local crime boss sells "smack and heroin and cocaine" from his nightclub - he shoots up the narc agent’s girlfriend, and she starts to hallucinate huge spiders and a hammer crushing a flower! Plus of course great ‘80s night club dance routines with a Kim Wilde lookalike! English subtitled. ORDER

LADY TARZAN (??) One of the best (and easily one of the raciest) trashy Indian movies we’ve seen yet. Curry cutie scampers around the jungle in a leopard skin two piece kicking goofy native butt and battling it out with an evil (yet sexy) voodoo queen. With gratuitous banana eating and navel drinking, cat fights, some blood-spurting gore, and a dirty dance number that would make ‘em blush even in Vegas! In Hindu with a bunch of subtitles, none of them English. Letterboxed. ORDER

WOHI BHAYAANAK RAAT (89) aka That Same Horrifying Night. Insane Indian disco vampire movie from those unstoppable Ramsay Brothers that’s based, believe it or not, on Fright Night! With kung fu fights, cool dance numbers (do the Shiva!), a pus and boil covered bloodsucker who snares chicks with his patented laser beam eyeballing technique, and a shocking (by Indian standards) scene where a Hindu babe is stripped to her scarlet skivvies, dragged across the floor, tied to a bed and (briefly) molested. ORDER

Additional Titles (Available for purchase but not yet reviewed):

CHEEKH aka The Scream. ORDER

DEVI English subtitles ORDER

THE HINDI SUPERMAN ORDER

MR. INDIA English subtitles. ORDER

RAAT English subtitles ORDER

TARZAN COMES TO DELHI aka Tarzan Delhi Mein. ORDER

Argentina    Brazil    India    Indonesia    Pakistan    The Philippines    Turkey

HELL RAIDERS (8?) Barry Prima stars in "one of the greatest War Adventure Stories of all time," the story of Indonesia’s fight for independence from the Dutch. Two solid hours of explosions, gunfire, mayhem, atrocities, ransacked villages, people running around like chickens with their heads cut off, you know, FUN! English dubbed. ORDER

LADY EXTERMINATOR (88) aka I Want to Get Even; Violent Assassin; Barang Teralang. Bizarre, over the top Indo saga that’s about as politically incorrect as they come. Our heroes, believe it or not, are an out of control wife beater and cab driver named Rudy and his pretty but pregnant spouse Irma, who declares that "I knew of your condition when I married you and I will always forgive you." The dysfunctional duo run into problems (like they didn’t have enough already) when Irma’s kidnapped and sexually assaulted by evil drug lord "Cobra" and his henchmen. This really hacks off Rudy who for some reason blames it all on unborn Junior and attempts to abort the little tyke by pushing Irma out of his taxi at high speed! More sexual assaults and numerous karate fights occur, the kid not surprisingly arrives stillborn (shown in nauseatingly graphic detail) and in the slam bang conclusion Irma, suddenly dressed like an Amazon warrior and riding a dirt bike, blows up Cobra and his sidekicks with a bazooka!!! Amazing! Letterboxed English dubbed print in great quality. ORDER

MYSTICS IN BALI (81) aka Leak. Incredibly over the top Indonesian horror must be seen to be disbelieved! A foxy female journalist travels to Bali to unlock the black magic mysteries of the dreaded Leac' blood cult. Soon enough she's taking private lessons from the cult's mystic master but, unknown to her, he's actually using her to obtain the precious "juices needed for eternal life." To accomplish this, our wicked warlock magically separates his pupil's head, spine and internal organs from the rest of her body and sends the whole mess flying around the countryside in search of newborn children to devour. Yuck! Graphic, gory and with at least one scene that will astonish even the most jaded horror enthusiast, this is definitely must see stuff for fans of the weird and fantastic. Letterboxed English dubbed print. ORDER

REVENGE OF NINJA (88) We ask you: is there a better guarantee of a great time than Barry Prima in a Rapi Films chop-sockey flick? The entire world has jumped on the Indonesian fantasy film bandwagon by now, but here’s one you may have missed! It has something to do with a magic red necklace and all these rival gangs who want it. Prima flexes his pecs and everything but the kitchen sink goes flying by the camera. There’s kung fu fighting, disco dancing, barroom brawls, witches, demons, wizards, demon possession and exorcism, people and cars that blow up for no earthly reason and even a zombie army puts in a last-minute appearance. The scene where the one sort-of Ninja guy brutally crushes and kills this ugly, crippled hunchback because he’s there is just one of many several highlights. Movies are better than ever! Letterboxed and dubbed in English. ORDER

THE SNAKE QUEEN (82) aka Nyai Blorong. Rare Barry Prima fantasy weirdness about an evil serpent babe who imparts earthly riches on her followers in exchange for the souls of their family members. Highlights include a gory scene of a baby’s leg being chewed off by rats, a man having sex with a giant snake and a secret underwater cavern of half naked maidens humping giant mushrooms. Letterboxed English dubbed print with small Greek subtitles. ORDER

SPECIAL SILENCERS (79) Hysterical gore nonsense starring Barry Prima, the Indonesian Jackie Chan. An evil tyrant plots to take over the local village with the aid of his "Special Silencers" little red pills that cause giant trees to burst out of their victims' stomachs! See blatantly fake scenes of bloody twigs punching their way through rubbery prosthetic abdomens! See Barry fight to save his girlfriend from the meanie's fruity henchmen who tie her up and force her to smell their foul foot odor! English dubbed print with small Greek subtitles. ORDER

THE WARRIOR AND THE BLIND SWORDSMAN (83) aka Warrior Against the Blind Swordsman. More weirdness with witches, wizards, weird transformations, evil Imperialists, bikini-clad Amazons, martial arts, swordfighting, and of course, our boy Barry. English dubbed. ORDER

THE WARRIOR AND THE NINJA (85) Man, those ninjas really got around didn’t they? Actually this one’s more like a female Zorro whose name is "Black Squirrel" (in a more perfect world she’d have a sidekick named "Golden Beaver") She teams up with Bar’ to kick even more Colonialist / black magic ass. We’re not ashamed to say we love this shit! English dubbed. ORDER

THE WHITE ALLIGATOR (??) aka Ratu Buayah Putih. Mindbending Indonesian horror / fantasy / gore / action that’s not to be missed! See women give birth to alligators, kung fu fighting sorcerers (one guy gets speared through the stomach and his opponent jumps on his shoulders and pisses on his head as he’s dying!), bloody dismemberments, evil exorcisms and more! So bizarre that any attempt at a description sounds like the ravings of a madman! Don’t believe it? Okay, how’s this: In one scene a baby alligator chews open a woman’s stomach (shown in graphic, bloody detail) and crawls inside. This causes the tiny people down in Magic Alligator Land to rejoice and dance around with wild abandon... See? You GOTTA check this one out. ORDER

Additional Titles (Available for purchase but not yet reviewed):

THE INTRUDER English dubbed BUY

Argentina    Brazil    India    Indonesia    Pakistan    The Philippines    Turkey

Argentina    Brazil    India    Indonesia    Pakistan    The Philippines    Turkey

AYAS BATMAN EN ROBIN (91) aka Alias Batman and Robin. Holy copyright infringements, Batman! Insane low budget Filipino parody(?) of the caped crusaders (complete with musical numbers!) must be seen to be believed! Nice quality print in Tagalog with the occasional inexplicable outburst in English. ORDER

DARNA (91) Look! Up in the Sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s... the Filipino Wonder Woman! Step aside Lynda Carter ‘cuz Darna’s here, complete with trademark tiara and bullet stopping bracelets. Good thing too because we’re not sure the Lens Express spokesmodel would be up to the challenge of an evil, centuries-old wizard (who’s in politics naturally), a winged bat demoness who eats street people (Bleech! You could at least wash ‘em first!) a talking cobra who looks like Joan Rivers, a hydra-headed woman with a penchant for turning fashion shows into impromptu Pentecostal revival meetings, and a magic pitchfork that sets people and buildings on fire with cartoon flames! Whew! In Tagalog with occasional English outbursts. ORDER

DARNA: THE RETURN (94) aka Darna 2; Darna! Ang Pagbabalik. Bigger-budgeted sequel featuring a new, bustier and more acrobatic Darna. Also has a much grander plotline this go ‘round with Darna getting conked on the head and losing her magic rock (it’s a long story) as well as her memory, her and her family becoming refugees, the daughter of the hydra woman from part one leading an apocalyptic religious cult, and more. Great stuff! ORDER

DEVIL’S THREE aka Pay or Die; Mean Business. English dubbed. Includes trailer. ORDER

DYNAMITE JOHNSON (78) aka Return of the Bionic Boy; Bionic Boy 2. Crazy Singapore rarity starring 9-year old karate black belt Johnson Yap. Yap plays "Johnson Sonny Lee" a 9-year old karate black belt (typecasting!) with bionic arms, legs and ears. He and his sexy Auntie Cleo are on a super secret mission to stop a one-eyed Nazi named Kuntz(!) who’s got his own private uranium mine guarded by a giant mechanical dragon with a flamethrower in its mouth, rocket launcher eyes, and a machine gun in its tail. How can you resist?! Letterboxed and dubbed in English. ORDER

FOR YOUR HEIGHT ONLY (79) aka For Y’ur Height Only. Seriously fucked up film has to be seen to be believed. A really tiny Philippino dude named "Weng Weng" runs around like a junior James Bond kicking supercrook ass (his nemesis is the evil Mr. Giant) and making it with the babes. Somebody get this guy a stepladder! An absolute howler and a major find! Be sure to check out the sequel, The Impossible Kid as well! English dubbed. ORDER

THE IMPOSSIBLE KID (??) aka 0071/2: Nothing is Impossible The Incredible Kung Fu Kid; The Impossible Kid of Kung Fu; 007½: Rien N’est Impossible. Weng Weng, the world’s tiniest secret agent and all around cunning little runt, last seen in For Your Height Only, is back in action, baby! That’s right, the little dude’s kicking shins and taking names! Rare English dubbed print of this amazing oddity. ORDER

JAMES BATMAN (66) Imagine if For Your Height Only and Alyas Batman En Robin spent the night in a cheap motel without protection, and this mind-numbing cross pollination of the spy and superhero genres will give you some idea of the illegitimate offspring that would result. Produced at the height of 1960s Bond and Batmania, this B&W Filipino wonder stars local comic ‘great’ Dolphy in both the 007 and Caped Crusader roles, as the two heroes (along with Batman’s partner Robin) are forced into an uneasy alliance to defeat a Fu Manchu like supervillain (who shoots a cool disintegrating ray from his fingertips) who is threatening to destroy the world with atomic weapons. James Batman is a crazed, pure surreal treat, and one of the best undiscovered gems of the Mondo Macabro genre. B$W and in Tagalog without subtitles (although that won’t hamper your enjoyment, and to be honest I doubt if this movie would make much more sense even if they were present!). ORDER

MAGIC OF THE UNIVERSE (88) Ever wonder what a Sid and Marty Kroft kiddie TV show directed by Alejandro Jodorowsky would look like? This Filipino fantasy film comes awfully close. A vengeful witch abducts a sideshow magician’s family and keeps them imprisoned in her baroque forest castle. Our heroes come to the rescue and encounter countless bizarre monsters and characters along the way. As its title suggests, this film borrows heavily from Masters of the Universe and other Western films, but its nonstop barrage of surrealistic and garish images is truly indescribable. Intended for children, you’ll cry for mommy once you see the protagonists scarf down hot monkey brains straight from the noggin! This film is SO outrageous, a scene where a circus geek disembowels a live chicken with his teeth to the accompaniment of “Jingle Bells” emerges as one of the milder ones! English language print with small Japanese subtitles. Note: Unlike the cheapo Brentwood disc our version includes the complete title sequence and no fake "letterboxing."  ORDER

MANILA, OPEN CITY (68) Violent Philippines war action from Eddie Romero starring John Ashley (of course) and Charito Solis. "Filmed in luxurious FAMEColor." Includes trailer. ORDER

ONE ARMED EXECUTIONER (83) "You want revenge? You must earn the right to take it!" After a drug bust goes up in flames, Ortega the Interpol Agent is visited by masked men looking for a little compensation. He's bound to a chair, forced to watch his wife be tortured and killed, ultimately loses his arm to the sword and is left (get it?) for dead. BUT he survives, finds his focus, learns to fly on a single wing, and goes out for some sweet Filipino revenge with all the explosions and rapid gunfire you could hope for from a good guy done wrong! Directed by Bobby Suarez. English dubbed ORDER

W (??) aka W is War. Insane Flip (i.e. Filipino) action flick about a policeman who pays big time for accidentally killing the brother of the head of a gang of trike-riding skinheads: they cut off his manhood in front of his new bride on his wedding night! Guess the honeymoon’s over, baby! Naturally it’s R-E-V-E-N-G-E time, especially after his wife cheats on him (she has needs you see), so he takes on the Big Boss in a seaside kung fu showdown. But he can’t win because he... wait for it... doesn’t have the balls! The chrome domed Mad Max refugees take him back to their secret fortress and hang him out to dry, but a baldheaded Betty has a change of heart, cuts him down and spirits him to safety. Needless to say, the two come back guns blazing and KICK ASS. Especially after the baddies storm St. Mary’s Nursery School and take all the little tykes hostage! Dubbed in English! ORDER

ZUMA (90) Outrageous and ultrarare Filipino monster epic starring a huge bald guy who looks like Mr. Clean. If Mr. Clean was covered from head to toe in green paint and had giant snakes growing out of his shoulders that is. The snakes like nothing better than to punch holes in women's chests and pop out their still beating hearts for us to see! One woman gets in the family way and gives birth to a lil' snake-shouldered sprout who turns around and bites dear old dad! A really wild (and long!) movie that, unfortunately, has NO subtitles, but is so damned weird it hardly matters. ORDER

Additional Titles (Available for purchase but not yet reviewed):

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? aka Takot ka ba sa Dilim? ORDER

THE BIONIC BOY English dubbed ORDER

BODYGUARD English dubbed ORDER

THE HUNTED English dubbed ORDER

THE KILLING OF SATAN English dubbed ORDER

THE LETHAL HUNT English dubbed ORDER

SCORPIO NIGHTS (85) ORDER 

STONE BOY aka The Boy God. English dubbed ORDER

SUDDEN DEATH Eddie Romero. English dubbed ORDER

A TIME FOR DYING English dubbed ORDER

Argentina    Brazil    India    Indonesia    Pakistan    The Philippines    Turkey

ALTAR (85) Colorful Turkish Conan rip off with sorcery, black magic, big gnarly swords and juicy barbarian babes. As for the plot, well, no one ever said the Dark Ages made much sense. Listen carefully for music lifts from Suspiria  ORDER

BATTAL GAZI DESTANI (71) Cuneyt Arkin goes to town in this colorful Turk costume drama that’s packed with bloody sword fights, whippings, torture, and even a little wrasslin’! ORDER

BATTAL GAZI GELIYOR (73) Action-packed sequel to Battal Gazi Destani with even MORE torture, swordfights, kung fu, and nudity! Plus Satanic nuns, crucifixion, and a revenge plot where all the bad guys get their crotches stabbed, axed, or mutilated. Great stuff! ORDER

BELALILAR (7?) Turk rip-off of The Sting complete with Marvin Hamlisch music and all! Naturally Cuneyt Arkin plays the Robert Redford character. Features gore, sped-up comedy fights and lots of karate! Fair quality. ORDER

THE BIGGEST FIST (7?) Hyper-violent Turco gangster action starring the indomitable Cuneyt Arkin. This one’s got it all: stabbings, shootings, machine gun massacres, go go dancers, cycle gangs, a kickboxing catfight between two hefty honeys (Mr. C casually reads the paper and has a smoke while they fight for his affections), super sped up kung fu fights and lots, lots more! Why, it’s got a man set on fire and thrown out of a window, a car bombing, a high speed chase and FIVE fiery car crashes and that’s just during the opening credits! If this movie were a child it wouldn’t be allowed back in the classroom without its Ritalin. Turkish language. ORDER

THE BLACK BULL (74) aka Kara Boga. Gory Turkish epic portraying Romanian folk hero Vlad the Impaler as an actual blood drinking vampire! Highly entertaining as Prince Vlad and his army of the undead storm across the countryside ransacking and pillaging. Even includes the more or less historically accurate scene of His Pointedness enjoying a refreshing snack while surrounded by the spiked bodies of his enemies! ORDER

CEMIL (75) It’s more ass kicking and chain smoking when Cuneyt Arkin plays a tough as coffin nails detective who infiltrates Turkey’s seedy porno industry to investigate a series of murders. With bare breasts, a punch out in a morgue AND a smoke break all within the first three minutes you won’t know whether to honk your horn or flick your Bic! Lots of sleaze, gory violence (in one scene Arkin fights a guy whose fists are wrapped with chains in an underground torture chamber with mutilated topless women strapped to the walls), "Hai Karate!" type moves, car chases in ancient Detroit iron and, of course, more smoke breaks! ORDER

COL (83) More hyperactive ultraviolence from that bad ass from the Bosphorous, Cuneyt Arkin! Cuneyt makes like The Man in Black in this heroic bloodshed revenge saga that's highlighted by shoot outs, car chases, extended Speedy Gonzalez fight scenes, chunky Turco honies in bikinis and a less than Spielbergian shark attack. Turkish language only, but if you're hip to this stuff you already know that it just doesn't matter! ORDER

CUNEYT ARKIN: THIS IS YOUR LIFE! (97) Of course that’s not the real title (it’s actually Cuneyt Arkin: Belgeseli), but if you haven’t taken the plunge on this Turk stuff yet and have been asking yourself "who is Cuneyt Arkin and why is he in every Turco movie ever made?" here’s your chance to find out. Probably the best way to describe him is that he’s like the Jackie Chan of Turkey. No, that’s not quite right. He’s more like the Jackie Chan, Errol Flynn and Ed Wood of Turkey all rolled into one. He’s written, produced, directed, starred in and done his own stunts for hundreds of wild movies in every genre imaginable -- westerns, swashbucklers, gangster movies, sci-fi epics, kung fu flicks, you name it, Cuneyt’s done it. This hour-long TV documentary is a retrospective on his amazing career with choice clips from dozens of his pictures. Unfortunately it’s in Turkish with no subtitles but trust us, once you get a glimpse of some of the insane stuff this guy’s pumped out you’ll be begging for more. As an added bonus, we’ll also throw in another TV documentary on a woman named Arzu Okay, who was one of Turkey’s leading sex stars back in the sinful Seventies. Hubba hubba! ORDER

DEATH WARRIOR (84) aka Olum Savascisi. Holy sweet screaming mother of Jesus! Here is undoubtedly the trashiest, craziest, most insanely obscure and ludicrous Turco freak out of them all. Anybody’s guess as to how many zero budget horror/action/kung fu/ninja movies this monstrosity was stitched together from but the end result makes even the worst Godfrey Ho cut and paster look like a model of continuity by comparison. One minute hooded ninjas with giant plywood swords are running around people’s backyards in broad daylight drowning women in swimming pools, the next Cuneyt Arkin’s going mano a mano with some acrobatically impaired martial artiste in an open field. Then the camera’s flying through the woods ala The Evil Dead, people are racing around kicking each other off the backs of motorcycles, some guy gets killed with a playing card to the neck, there are killer plants and a furry handed mummy ninja, Arkin’s attacked by a woman who turns into a killer toad, and on and on and on until you’re certain your head’s going to explode... but in a good way. We fully expected it all to end in a giant stock footage nuclear fireball but that would’ve been too easy! Just wait until you see what they came up with instead! Ho! Ho! Seriously folks, not only do we implore you to buy this thing but we also recommend that before watching it you swing by the local grade school and buy a couple of fatties from some skater kid ‘cuz this one’s worth going off your sobriety for. ORDER

DEVIL GIRLS (??) aka Seytan Kizlar. This one’s NUTS! The picture quality’s not too hot (okay, it blows), but man is this thing great! It starts with a guy and a girl at the beach. He’s getting a little too frisky and she tells him to close his eyes. Then she dons a cat mask and tail and starts whipping the shit out of him! Then she pulls out a hand mirror, signals to her gal pals hiding in the bushes and together they drag the chump up to their secret mountaintop Amazon fortress where dozens of Cat Women are practicing karate in bikinis and high heels! They’re all former victims of abuse who’ve sworn death to men! You get men being whipped, women being whipped, a guy stabbed in the back with a pitchfork, another guy dropped onto a giant stake followed by a group dance off, the list goes on and on. Plus the scenes of these chicks "training" are funny as hell since it’s obvious they have no idea what they’re doing and couldn’t punch their way out of a Kotex wrapper! Definitely worth checking out. ORDER

DRACULA IN ISTANBUL (52) aka Drakula Istanbulda. The Third World’s first ever Dracula adaptation brought to us by, of course, the noble Turks. Comes complete with fang equipped Nosferatu variety vampire, creepy castle and hunchback butler! Keep in mind when watching the graveyard scene that, as detailed in the book Mondo Macabro, all of the "fog" is being provided by some 30 to 40 crew members lying on their backs and puffing away on cigarettes just out of camera range! B&W ORDER

GOLDEN GIRL/KARATE GIRL (??) Talk about international! Here’s a Turkish movie with French credits that’s been dubbed into English and has Greek subtitles! Looks like "Golden Girl" has been passed around more often than a drunken coed at a fraternity party! And we can see why too, because this baby’s a riot! A ridiculously wholesome (yet sexy) blonde flower girl is peddling posies so’s she can save up for an operation to restore her speech. She and her papa are just so happy together and everything is just so darn wonderful. Right up until three escaped convicts break in, molest her, kill papa and steal the flower money that is. Then Golden Girl transforms into Karate Girl and heads out for some serious ass kicking! If you like your entertainment with extra cheese all we can say is.. "Order up!" ORDER

HOLY SWORD (82) aka Son Savasci. AAAIIIEEE!!! Located at last! The prequel to Death Warrior, one of the most insane films of all time! And this one's no slouch either! Cuneyt Arkin is back again (or before actually, since... oh, never mind) as an ass kicking police detective with a secret in his closet: the Holy Sword (you were expecting some dainty panties maybe?)! Plot is beside the point with weirdness this potent so all we can say is expect the unexpected. Which is exactly what makes these things so great: One minute you're in some slam bang karate dojo, the next you're at a Turco tiki bar watching an underwater ballet, and the minute after that you're getting an eyeful of topless go-go dancers or a hefty honeys on the beach. A few things that you definitely can expect are explosions, car chases, sword fights, shoot outs, punch ups, jump cuts, mismatched film stock and confusion galore! There's even some brief nudity and we'd be doing you a disservice if we didn't mention the protracted scene of a hooded ninja administering a vicious bloody whipping to a bound bikini-clad babe, then disappearing in a cloud of green smoke when Cuneyt busts through the door. Ha! Turkish language with no subtitles (not that they'd help) and highly, HIGHLY recommended. ORDER

INSAN AVCISI (79) aka Heart of a Father (?); Drive due Vite Violente. Outrageously violent Turkish crime drama starring Cunyet Arkin, the chain-smoking martial arts expert who looks like a puffy Robert Conrad! Relentless action with vicious ass-kickings, bloody shootings, fiery explosions, hairy-pitted belly dancers, dope smoking, chain whipping, a pregnant woman being stabbed in the stomach, a little kid shot in the chest, a guy being trampled by a horse, hell, there are even a few hooters on display! Watch for the especially nasty scene of a guy being sliced in half lengthwise by a band saw! Includes trailer. ORDER

THE LITTLE COWBOY (73) aka Kucuk Kovboy. After accidentally killing a child during a gunfight (note to parents living in Old West towns: do not let your kids play catch in the street while desperadoes are attempting to plug each other) everyone’s favorite hombre Cuneyt Arkin hangs up his his shootin’ irons and vigorously pursues an exciting new career as the town drunk. But when his old nemesis holds up a stagecoach and takes a little kid hostage... and that little kid just happens to be the son of the sister of the kid he shot years before... well, you can just guess the rest now, can’tchya? ORDER

MONSTER OF TOROS (61) aka Toros Canavari. Hairy Caveman / Big Foot / Eegah!-type creature kidnaps the female member of a party of explorers and carries her off to his mountaintop cave where an uneasy pity / love "beauty and the beast" relationship occurs. Eventually the heroine is saved, treasure is discovered, and the Hairy Caveman / Big Foot / Eegah!-type creature is locked away in captivity. But wait! All of these old B&W movies have to have a happy ending, right? Well, in this one an old gypsy woman finds our furry fellow, recognizes him as her son from his birthmark and, after a brief reunion, the two of them are burned to a crisp in a freak accident! Touching ain’t it? ORDER

RED MASK (68) aka Kizilmaske. R-rated sexed up version of Lee Falk’s comic strip, The Phantom. Unseen for 30 years! Includes the complete ending, which is missing from the VCD release. B&W ORDER

SEHVET UCURUMU (7?) Wow! Imagine an Isabel Sarli flick directed by a Turkish Ed Wood and you’ve got Sehvet Ucurumu! A big busty babe squirms around naked on a bed clutching at herself like she’s got some kind of skin condition. Once she gets out of the house she and her boyfriend are overpowered by three leering thugs in the woods. Our heroine valiantly allows herself to be ravaged in order to save her fellow’s life and surprise! She’s naked once again. It’s all for naught though as her boyfriend’s so ashamed of her behavior and his own inadequacy that he blows his brains out while she’s recuperating in the hospital. The end! Lots and lots of nudity, simulated sex, chain smoking and endless shots of the once happy couple running toward each other over and over again on the beach. Filmed in the unique "Scratch-O-Vision" process that makes the whole thing look like satellite transmissions from an alien galaxy! ORDER

SON KAHARAMANLAR (NINJA) (87) Cuneyt Arkin and his sidekick from Dunyayi Kurtarran Adam battle the little known Turkish Ninja clan in their usual throat slashing, gut stabbing, head lopping fashion. ORDER

SUPERMAN IN ISTANBUL (72) aka Superadam Istanbulda. Here’s one worth having for the opening alone: A woman who’s been stabbed in the back staggers along, tracking bloody footprints across the credits, which are painted on the street! Now that’s ingenuity! In this one Superman, sorry, "Superadam" comes to Istanbul disguised as a corny American (hence the cowboy hat) and infiltrates a hippy crash pad and, uh, assorted silliness and cheapjack heroics occur. ORDER

TARKAN (69) Lots of gladiatorial style goofiness, brief nudity and the occasional decapitation liven things up in this, the first entry in the popular series about the heroic Tarkan and his trusty hound. We know he’s a hero and all, but you gotta wonder about a guy who shows that much leg.... ORDER

TARKAN AND THE GOLDEN MEDALLION (72) aka Tarkan: Altin Madalyon. Jaw-dropping Turkish fantasy / action film overflows with one crazy scene after another. Here are just a few of its charms: A nude horseback riding vampiress snares a woman in a giant spiderweb, mad slashing and hacking "Ha ha!" style swordfights that would make John Cleese blush, acrobats tossing a young boy around like he’s a hot potato, our hero Tarkan fighting a gold swordsman in a room full of spikes, and, in our favorite scene, a nun and a stripper are tied to crosses and stabbed in the stomach, their blood trickling down troughs to revive a busty undead babe in a coffin ala The 7 Golden Vampires! Highly recommended! ORDER

TARZAN IN ISTANBUL (53) aka Tarzan Istanbulda. Complete with Cheeta, Jane, and the patented holler. And the guy who plays Tarzan? He’s the same guy who was in all those Camel cigarette ads back in the ‘70s! Well, no, not really. But it does make the whole thing sound more interesting doesn’t it? B&W ORDER

3 DEV ADAM (73) aka Uc Dev Adam. In case you hadn’t noticed, we LOVE Turkish movies. The picture quality may not be the greatest, they haven’t got any subtitles, and the production values stink, but talk about imagination! Like this one for example: 20 years before NAFTA Captain America and Santo team up to fight Spiderman and his army of carbon copy karate killers! Spidey looks just like he does in the comics except his costume’s green and HE’S EVIL! In the opening scene he and his henchmen bury a woman up to her neck in sand and back an outboard motor up to her face! Later he stabs men, strangles women, gets laid, skewers two people who are making love in a shower together with a long poker, and, in the funniest scene, kills a man by putting a long tube up to a his face and forcing hungry "killer" gerbils down it! Stan Lee, eat your heart out! ORDER

3 SUPERMEN AND MAD GIRL (73) aka Uc Super Adam ve Cilgin Kiz. Evil yet curvaceous platinum blonde in a red Vampirella outfit and rhinestone glasses does the bidding of a cut rate Satanic supercriminal in a rubber Halloween mask. They’re aided in their diabolical pursuits by their henchmen, a band of green robed Klansmen! Anyone who stands in their way gets done in by a raygun-toting robot made out of silver painted cardboard boxes who makes people disappear in puffs of smoke! Very possibly the greatest movie ever made! ORDER

3 SUPERMEN AT THE OLYMPIC GAMES (84) aka Uc Supermen Olimpiyyatlarda. Stupendously bad Italo-Turkish co-production (with NO subtitles) is a crazy patchwork of unrelated stock footage (Is horse racing really an Olympic event?) that has something to do with three guys in red suits who save someone or something from some bad people at or near the Olympic Games either during present day or at some point in the remote past. With footage lifted from the even weirder 3 Supermen and Mad Girl. ORDER

THE TURKISH E.T. (83) aka Badi; Duckling. Sidesplitting, note for note rip off (complete with flying push cart!) of Spielberg’s box office blockbuster courtesy of our Ottoman friends. Wait’ll you see the ugly rubbery little troll dude they came up with for this thing! ORDER

THE TURKISH EXORCIST (75) aka Seytan. Hilarious virtual scene-for-scene remake from Turkey, complete with head spinning, pea soup spewing, swearing (only it’s in Turkish and you just know that’s gotta be some nasty stuff) and nudity! Incredible! English subtitles. ORDER

THE TURKISH STAR TREK (74) aka Turist Omer Uzay Yolunda (Omer the Tourist in Star Trek). Wow! Talk about parallel universes! This Turco take off from the mid-seventies holds the distinction of being the first Trek feature ever and as far as we can see they didn’t miss a trick. The plot swipes from Man Trap, Amok Time and Tomorrow is Yesterday and they went so far as to just outright steal the opening credits from the series, replacing the music with "Out of Limits" by the Ventures! Unbelievably hilarious!!! The Turkish Spock must be seen to be believed. A must for all Trek enthusiasts and anyone else who just needs a good laugh. ORDER

THE TURKISH STAR WARS (LIMITED COLLECTORS EDITION) (82) aka Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam (The Man Who Saves the World). Yes! Here it is! The deeply twisted, bloodthirsty, and absolutely hilarious Turkish rip off of Star Wars that’s so insane it’s actually BETTER than the movie it steals from! Imagine if Luke was an asskicking karate expert who fought his battles with a golden, zig-zag shaped sword made out of plywood. Imagine if all his opponents looked like fuzzy, life-size versions of Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster and Luke ripped their heads off with his bare hands! Imagine if Princess Leia looked like a foxy slut! Written by and starring our favorite Turk headcracker, Cuneyt Arkin (of Insan Avcisi fame) this is no-budget filmmaking on an epic scale complete with cheap robots and costumes, ridiculous fights and footage lifted straight from the real Star Wars! This exclusive DOUBLE DISC set includes the original UNCUT Turkish language version on one disc (still the guaranteed BEST print on the market) and an uncut ENGLISH SUBTITLED version on the second disc. PLUS the second disc also includes the brain-frying trailer AND a highly entertaining overview of the wild world of Turkish Fantastic Cinema that even includes interviews with the stars of this crackpot masterpiece! We've said it before and we'll say it again: Buy this one anywhere else and you’re getting ripped off. ORDER

THE TURKISH SUPERMAN (79) aka Supermen Donuyor (The Return of Superman). Turkish carbon copy of the Christopher Reeves mega-hit, Superman complete with the same storyline, lookalike actors, and music stolen from the original! Of course, having a somewhat smaller budget to work with, a few concessions had to be made. For example, the opening scene of "outer space" is a shot of a bunch of twinkling glass Christmas tree balls against a black velvet backdrop! Look closely and you’ll see the cameramen and technicians reflected in them! ORDER

THE TURKISH WIZARD OF OZ (71) aka Aysecik ve Sihirli Cuceler Ruyalar Ulkesinde (Little Ayse and the Magic Dwarves). Yes, it’s true.The industrious Turks did in fact rip off virtually every Hollywood blockbuster ever made. And while we’ve yet to unearth a Turco Casablanca or Citizen Kane even if they do exist they’ll be hard pressed to surpass this baby for sheer cut-rate weirdness. Now, we certainly don’t want to spoil any of Little Ayse’s "magic" for you and we’re sure you’re familiar with the story so there’s no need to rehash the plot. So let’s just say that no matter how many times you’ve seen the L. Frank Baum classic we guarantee that you’ve never, EVER seen it like this before! We do have to warn you though that, amazing as this picture is, it will leave you with a few unanswered questions. Questions like: Is there a hardcore porno version? Are there Turkish homosexuals who worship this thing? Is there a Turkish "Dark Side of the Moon" the lyrics of which line up perfectly with this movie’s plot? Was there really a scene in the Judy Garland flick that had cavemen in it? And do we really need to tell you that this is a must have? ORDER

UGLY WORLD (74) aka Cyrkyn Dunya; La Gang dell' Arancia Meccanica; Es Begann um Mitternacht. The ever popular home invasion theme is once again explored in this beyond obscure obscurity that finds three well dressed thugs menacing a wealthy couple and their young son. Unfortunately, despite the promising premise and being bookended by effectively violent opening and closing segments (along with some gratuitous poolside baby dunking), the rest of this clunker is an annoying gabfest that’s all bark and no bite. At one point the proceedings grow so boring that even the villains take a nap! Dubbed in German. ORDER

VALLEY OF THE WOLVES: IRAQ (06) aka Kurtlar Vadisi – Irak. Brain-frying, enormously controversial anti-American tirade against U.S. involvement in the Middle East from our good friends in Turkey! Utilizing a lavish, multi-million dollar budget, U.S. troops are seen gunning down hundreds of unarmed Iraqi women and children in a nonstop cavalcade of atrocities! Billy Titanic Zane probably wound up on President Bush’s enemies list by playing an incredibly evil Christian man who forces dozens of adorable Islamic children to serenade him as a bomb squad deactivates a device underneath his piano! He’s aided and abetted by actor Gary Busey (who looks b-a-a-a-a-d) as a surgeon who callously harvests organs from Kurdish war dead. Amidst all the roadside bombings that leaves hundreds of people dismembered and dying, and the all indignities perpetrated at Abu Gharib (re-enacted in loving detail), a saintly sheikh arises and convinces a group of radicals not to decapitate a western journalist on camera. HA! Like that ever happened! You won’t believe your eyes, but we have a pristine, flawless kill-the-blue-eyed-devils print to prove it to you! (Both Zane and Busey are dubbed in Turkish, but never fear – there are excellent, easy-to-read subtitles!) ORDER

Additional Titles (Available for purchase but not yet reviewed):

BABALIK ORDER  

FIRCANA BAYILDIL BOYACI Softcore sex comedy ORDER

FLYING SUPERBOY English language ORDER

HASAN ALMAZ BASAN ALIR Softcore sex comedy ORDER

I DON’T FORGIVE aka Kral Affetmez. ORDER

INTIKAM MELEGI aka Kadim Hamlet. ORDER

KARATE ON THE BOSPHORUS (74) aka Ninja Killer; Kung Fu on the Bosphorus; Karateciler Istanbul’da. English language. ORDER

LAW IS LAW aka Kanun Kanundur ORDER

LIONMAN aka Aslan Adam.English language ORDER

LIONMAN II: THE WITCHQUEEN English language ORDER

MAGIC MAN aka Kara Murat La Vengeur. ORDER

THE MASKED FIVE aka Maskeli Besler. ORDER

MASKELI SEYTAN (70) B&W ORDER

MY FRIEND FRANKENSTEIN aka Sevimli Frankenstayn ORDER

RINGO KID aka The Outlaw. Cunyet Arkin ORDER 

SPIDER aka Orumcek. ORDER

TARKAN AND THE SILVER SADDLE aka Tarkan Gumus Eger. ORDER

TARKAN VS. THE ARMLESS HERO ORDER

THREE SUPERBOYS IN THE SNOW English language ORDER

TURKISH HARDCORE XXX Hour long collection of scenes from Turco porn flicks from the "anything goes" '70s. Cool! ORDER

WILD LOVER aka Vahsi Sevgili. ORDER

ZORRO KAMCILI SUVARI (69) B&W ORDER

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