Teensploitation

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AFTER SCHOOL (88) aka Before God; Private Tutor; Quest for Eden; Return to Eden. Sam Bottoms stars as a hip young priest called upon by his superiors to defend an author’s best-selling book denouncing religion on The Dick Cavett TV talk show. The motorcycle-riding man of the cloth has his own issues: he’s being bewitched by a young atheist female student (Renee Coleman) who is sorely testing his vows of celibacy. The chief reason to watch this sordid, sentimental stinker are for the segments involving primitive man. All the cave girls wear thongs and sport permed, 1980s hair and all the cavemen have mullets! These scenes are desperately unconvincing and symbolic of nothing in particular. Speaking of which, Dick Cavett plays himself. (review by Greg Goodsell) Order

AFTER SCHOOL GIRLS (72) aka Liebesspiele Jungen Madchen; Hungry for Sex; Love Games of Young Girls. More delightful German sex comedy hijinks focusing on five freguently undressed young frauliens who know how to have fun while their parents are away. Oompapa indeed! Beautiful letterboxed German language print with no English subtitles. Order

ALMOST SUMMER (78) aka Dirty Looks. It’s near the end of the school year, and some campus wheelers and dealers scheme to prop up a mid-mannered nebbish to be the next student body president. The kids go to class, fall in love, got to the prom and have dreams, some of which don’t come true. This is a very nice movie. Almost too nice. Instead of getting laid, starting gang fights and committing mass murder, the kids in this movie worry about grades, dress well and say please and thank you! Maybe that’s why you haven’t heard of it … With Tim Matheson and Didi "You Light Up My Life" Conn. (review by Greg Goodsell) Order

AMERICAN HOT WAX (78) Much sought after rock 'n' roll classic chronicles the true story of Cleveland DJ Alan Freed, the man who introduced white America to that crazy Jigaboo music back in the '50s. Starring Tim McIntire and Fran Drescher with early appearances by Jay Leno as "Mookie" and Laraine Newman as "Teenage Louise". Excellent quality. Order

BLESS THE BEASTS & CHILDREN (71) Here it is! Back to scar another generation! Lost in Space's Billy Mumy leads a band of summer camp misfits in an ill-fated attempt to rescue a herd of buffalo slated for slaughter by kill crazy NRA members. A brilliant metaphor for something or other. Our special "Meat May Be Murder But It Sure Tastes Good" edition includes the downright bizarre theatrical trailer (which plays as a mock debate between Mumy and a frothing-at-the-mouth gun nut) AND a cut down classroom version of the film (purchased at great expense and lovingly transferred from 16mm by yours truly) retitled Love to Kill, which plays like a highlight reel of animal extermination. It was no doubt intended to "promote discussion" among students but more likely resulted in mute horror punctuated by the occasional whimper. Order

BORN WILD (68) aka The Young Animals. Racial tensions between Whites and Mexicans at a small Arizona high school lead to gang violence in one of the best and rarest of American International's youth flicks from the '60s. With Tom Nardini, Patty McCormack, David Macklin, Zooey Hall, Joanna Frank, Russ Bender and Sammy Vaughn. Order

THE CHEERLEADERS (72) Raunchiest of all the many cheerleader movies with non-stop nudity, near hardcore sex, and a cast of unknowns (Stephanie Fondue? Jovita Bush?) who actually look like high school girls. This is the complete UNCUT fullscreen print with ALL of the tiny-titted, up close teener action cut and/or cropped from other releases. So whaddya waiting for there, Chester? Order 

DRIVE-IN (76) Wonderfully entertaining comedy about teens (and adults) gathering at a drive-in movie in a small Texas town in the mid 70's. Lisa Lemole is wonderful as the femme fatale who switches romantic partners mid-movie. DRIVE-IN features romance, gang violence, wonderful moments between two brothers, and enough slapstick comedy to satisfy almost anyone! And, let's not forget the movie-within-a-movie, "Disaster '76". which is the movie that's playing at the...DRIVE-IN! Highly recommended! Order

HARDBODIES (84) Three troll-like middle-aged men enlist the services of a beach bum in order to score with all the bikini babes on the West Coast. Renting out a plush beachside pad, the men make their move and the girls fall into the groove. This pic features a happening 1980’s rock score along with the expected army of boobs, butts and feathered hair on the beach, on the boardwalk and in the bedroom. Will true love win out in the end? I dunno. Whenever I go to the beach, I’m harassed by homeless bums, screaming families with kids, defecating dogs and obese people in thongs. The Magic of Hollywood … (review by Greg Goodsell) Order

HOT SPLASH (88) Titillating teen comedy follows four golden brown Floridians, Matt, Woody, Jimbo and Jennifer, as they ramp up for the International Sundek Surfing Festival, which promises sun, surf and, best of all, skin! This mega-obscure T&A fest not only has plenty of jiggle, tons of '80s-era Cali scenery, horrendous acting and a title more appropriate for hardcore pornography; it's also got former CNN Headline News anchor Andrea Thompson (billed here as Rebecca Thompson) totally butt-ass naked! Wheeee! (review by Greg Goodsell) Order

HOT TIMES Order

THE LOST CHILDREN OF ROCKDALE COUNTY (96) This PBS news magazine story about the "shocking" outbreak of teenage syphilis in upscale Conyers, GA looks like what you'd get if you crossed a '50s-era VD scare film with Larry Clark's Kids! Because while the parents of this lily white bedroom community are off trying to support their mortgage payments their randy little offspring are getting together after school to enjoy drugs, binge drinking and massive multi-partner sex parties! The kicker here is that the entire syphilis "outbreak" is traced back to the local high school bad boy (from a broken home of course) who not only lets the kids use the family homestead as their private love shack but introduces a drippy dicked Black fellow into the mix as well. So it turns out the Rockdale kids aren't really lost. They just took a wrong turn into Niggertown! Yes, incredibly the takeaway here seems to be that premarital sex is bad but the REAL problem is these crazy kids fornicating outside of their gene pool! Believe it or not, this flick is highly approved by Oprah. Go figure! Order

LOVELY BUT DEADLY (81) Karate chopping cheerleader knocks dope dealers’ dicks in the dirt after her little brother kacks it from some bad stuff. Fun low budget nonsense starring lovely Lucinda Dooling is recommended to masochists in the audience who enjoy watching women kick men’s asses. Order

MALIBU HIGH Order

MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH (76) aka Blackboard Massacre; Massaker in Klasse 13. Sullen outsider moves to a new school, hooks up with a hot babe, runs afoul of the big clique on campus, and starts bumping them off one by one. To his chagrin, our antihero discovers that as the creeps die new ones move up the pecking order to take their place. Disgusted with the whole situation he finally decides to blow up the entire frigging school. But, at the last minute he has a change of heart, grabs the bomb, and blasts himself to Kingdom Come instead. Sound familiar? That's right, this great little black-hearted film was so far ahead of its time that almost no one made the connection when it was reworked as Heathers in '89. Recommended for sure. See also Sexy Jeans. Order

NAUGHTY COEDS (74) aka Schulmadchen Report 8: Was Eltern nie Erfahren Durfen. Those German schoolgirls are at it again -- they frolic in the countryside in micro-miniskirts, platform boots or frequently nothing at all. These frisky frauleins relate episodes from their romantic histories while on a field trip (although the gals in the framing device sometimes don't match the ones in the flashbacks -- natch!). They include one girls' affair with a much older rich man, the hilarious steps some students take to thaw out a frigid schoolmarm and many, many more! Gorgeous gals and you gotta love that swinging Gert Wilden musical score. Rare English dubbed print! Order

NAUGHTY SCHOOLGIRLS (76) aka Gymslip Lovers; Tonarsdrommar. Extremely rare '70s schoolgirl sex comedy from shadowy and probably pseudonymous director Jean-Paul Scardino. Five spoiled but not yet soiled private school sweeties decide that their end of term present to the school will be a new school bell, which costs, conveniently enough, $500. But where to get the money? Hmm... In a fit of inspiration our Junior Achiever beavers realize they can raise the cash and end the year with a "bang" at the same time by each offering up her maidenhead for $100 a pop. Let the wacky hijinks and nekkidity begin! Starring Rebecca Brook (Confessions of a Young American Housewife; Mrs. Barrington; Little Girl, Big Tease; Cherry Hill High), and Sandra Gartner,  and boasting a surprisingly literate script (credited to the equally suspicious sounding "Alonzo Pye") this one definitely gets four gold stars, but still has to stay after class and help us clean the erasers. Order

ON THE AIR LIVE WITH CAPTAIN MIDNIGHT The original Pump Up the Volume. Order

OUT OF CONTROL (84) What begins as a synthesizer-laden teen sex comedy about a wise ass fat kid desperate to get laid on his prom night quickly roller-coasters into a fight for survival on a deserted island, as a motley group of high schoolers survive a plane crash and find themselves up against a band of scummy drug-smuggling rapists with bad attitudes and ammunition to spare. When their lives aren't in danger, the overemotional graduates drink, play "strip spin-the-bottle", dance in their underwear, and get crazy from the heat. Features a very early, cock-teasing appearance from a 19 year old Sherilyn Fenn. Hurts so good! (review by Greg Goodsell) Order

PINBALL SUMMER (80) aka Pick-Up Summer; L' Arcade des Cingles. Order

RIOT ON SUNSET STRIP (67) Rare youthquake/counterculture cash in from AIP starring Aldo Ray and Mimsy Farmer, with musical guests the Standells and the Chocolate Watchband. Hopelessly dated (think "Archie" on acid) and all the more enjoyable because of it. Order

SCHOOL DAYS (76) aka La Professoressa di Scienze Naturali. Molto nudity and peekaboo voyeurism in this obscure Italian sex comedy that explores the universal fantasy of being "teacher’s pet." Here in the U.S. this fun little quickie has the unfortunate distinction of being forever linked to the TV series Welcome Back, Kotter thanks to its then current taglines: "She’s hotter than Kotter... and we’ve got her" and "Even the Sweathogs wouldn’t believe this class!" Directed by Michele Massimo Tarantini and starring Lilli Carati, Michele Gamino and Alvaro Vitali. Letterboxed Italian language print. Order

SCHOOLGIRL HITCHHIKERS (73) aka Jeunnes Filles Impudiques. Director Jean Rollin took a break from vampires to helm this weird little roughie. Two schoolgirls are hiking in the woods when they discover an abandoned villa. They use the opportunity to sack out and bump uglies. But wait! A skull-faced gangster appears who's using the villa as a hideaway, and the two girls have sex with him as he keeps his slacks belted on. But wait! A lesbian crime lord with lewd red lips and black leather pants arrives and ties up one of the girls and canes her! But wait! The other girl flees to the city to get help from a studly detective and his Lolita-styled secretary. If you're with us so far, you'll be more than pleased to know that Rollins got every little detail just right, down to the pigtails, tartan skirts and vinyl go-go boots. Even the color of the rope used in the bondage scenes is perfection in itself! We bet we won't get any complaints that the schoolgirls never really get around to any actual hitchhiking. (review by Greg Goodsell) Order

SEXY JEANS (76) Now here’s a fun novelty item: An Italian language print of Ren Daalder’s pre-Columbine classic Massacre at Central High with added explicit sex scenes! That’s right, apparently some genius in the Napoli marketing department decided this just wasn’t quite spicy enough and said "Ay! Luigi! Letsa throw in some a fucking and a sucking!" They did a pretty good job continuity-wise too, except they overlooked the fact that no ‘70s-era American high school girl would’ve been caught dead with armpit hair! Order

SKATETOWN USA (79) Campy disco era time capsule about rival roller skate dance teams with a cast lineup that looks like one of those “Battle of the Network Stars” competitions: Scott Baio, Maureen McCormick, Patrick Swayze, Ruth Buzzi, Flip Wilson, Mark Hamill, and Billy Barty to name just a few. Add to that a soundtrack that includes Dave Mason, The Jacksons, Heatwave, Patrick Hernandez, Marilyn McCoo, and Earth Wind and Fire and, depending on your point of view, you’ve either got a Solid Gold hit or Hell on Wheels! Order 

SOMETHING SPECIAL (86) aka Willy/Milly; I Was a Teenage Boy. Order

STARHOPS (78) aka Curb Service. "Not too long ago, and not really all that far away, there was a little drive-in that wasn't doing shit for business..." The Starhops drive-in restaurant is in the red and its owner (Dick Miller) is bouncing checks. Spacey waitresses Angel & Cupcake want to torque it up for the young set and decide to buy it from him. So with their Wonder Woman-ish outfits and silver roller skates they get to work making money, having fun, and fighting the corporate juggernaut which threatens to take them over in this corny sex-tinted chuckle-gram extolling the power of woman. Complete with a gaudy night at the discotheque and some hot breakdance battles! May the farce be with you. (review by Scott Wallis) Order

STREETWALKIN’ (84) A teenage runaway tries to leave The Life after her pimp boyfriend brutally beats her best friend to a bloody pulp. But customers are waiting, and the night drags on … Director Joan Freeman approaches the subject matter of NYC prostitution seriously, but that doesn’t stop her from ladling on the ultra violence and the gaudy sights and sounds of ol’ Times Square. Featuring Julie “Catwoman” Newmar as a red lingerie-clad street hostess. Essential viewing! Especially if your life’s ambition is to see every single motion picture in which Antonio Fargas played a pimp! (review by Greg Goodsell) Order

THE STUDENT BODY UNCUT Order

STUDENT TEACHERS (73) Roger Corman drive-in classic about the sexy student teachers at Valley High who give private after school love lessons while being terrorized by a mad rapist in a clown mask. Incredibly dated dialogue, but nudity and rapists in clown masks are always in fashion. Order

SUMMER SCHOOL (78) aka Mag Wheels. Endless love, pot and heavy petting amidst a battle of the sexes between two rival surfer van gangs. Director Bethel Buckalew has filmed his share of teen flesh helming 60s backwoods nudies for Harry Novak’s Box Office International (who also had Mag Wheels producer Peter Perry, aka "AP Sootsberry", on the payroll), but takes time out to include other teensploitation essentials - frisbees, pinball and lame-o skateboarding- all from that awkward cultural limbo between Alice Cooper and John Travolta. Good to see jocks are the heroes and the nerds are zeroes, and that Women’s Liberation had progressed to lines like "I’m Rachel. Fly me." John Laughlin (here billed as "McLaughlin") heads a gormless no-name roster. (review by Andrew Leavold) Order

SUMMER SCHOOL TEACHERS aka Secrets of Summer School Teachers. Order

SWEATER GIRLS (78) Amusingly puerile American Graffiti rip off directed by Don Schoolgirls in Chains Jones. First film from acclaimed thespian Charlene Tilton, but the blowjob that got her the part probably lasted longer than her screen time here. Includes trailer. Order

TAKING OFF (71) Here’s another one we’ve been looking for forever. Milos Forman’s gentle satire on the Generation Gap stars Buck Henry and Lynn Carlin as a pair of square parents who are trying to understand why their quiet teenage daughter ran away from home. With an impromptu pot party at a parent’s support group meeting, the Ike and Tina Turner Revue and a very young Carly Simon singing about getting stoned. This is the complete, UNCUT version which includes the infamous Mary Mitchell performance of "Ode to a Screw." Order

TEENAGE PROSTITUTION RACKET UNCUT Order

VAN NUYS BLVD. (79) It's time for more California dreamin' as we explore the SoCal cruising and car culture circa the late '70s. Loosely directed by William Sachs (The Force Beyond, Hot Chili) and marginally about a small town boy looking for excitement in the big city, there's really not a whole lot of plot to slow things down here. Just lots of great footage of customized cars, illegal drag racing, disco music and hot young chicks on a warm summer night! Letterboxed. (review by Greg Goodsell) Order

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